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Listening to Elderly Parents
Listening to Elderly Parents
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It happens to the best of us: Dad thinks you don't visit enough, or mom hates the new house keeper. When your parent seems to complain about every little thing, here is what you can do:
First, think of a time when a friend called you to gripe about something. Maybe somebody cut them off in traffic, for example. And while your friend talked, you listened; and at the end of the call he may have even said he felt better. Not because anything changed, but because he knew you understood.
But when a parent complains, we tend to take it personally. We say things like "Why are you so angry?” or "Don't worry, things will be better tomorrow;” which can make your parent even angrier. Try validating your parents feelings instead. Now, validating doesn't mean agreeing with your parent. It simply means you understand what your mother or father is experiencing at that moment. For example, you can say "This has been hard for you, hasn't it mom" or "Dad I don't blame you; I'd be mad too if that happened." People simply feel better when their point of view is understood. Next time your parents complain, see how validating feelings works for you.
I am Joy Loverde.